-It is I, Arthur..-Pull the other one!

29th January


There is no need to introduce Monty Python!
I decided to watch their movie - Monty Pyhton and the Holly Grail. Got much into British humour. Here are the examples. 

Scene 1 

GUARD #1 Halt!  Who goes there?

  ARTHUR:  It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle

      of Camelot.  King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign –KING - of all England!

GUARD #1:  Pull the other one! 

ARTHUR:  I am.  And this my trusty servant Patsy.

      We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights

      who will join me in my court of Camelot.  I must speak with your lord

      and master.

GUARD #1:  What, ridden on a horse?

  ARTHUR:  Yes!

  GUARD #1:  You're using coconuts!

  ARTHUR:  What?

  GUARD #1:  You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin'

      'em together.

  ARTHUR:  So?  We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this

      land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--

  GUARD #1:  Where'd you get the coconut?

  ARTHUR:  We found them.

  GUARD #1:  Found them?  In Mercea?  The coconut's tropical!

  ARTHUR:  What do you mean?

  GUARD #1:  Well, this is a temperate zone.

  ARTHUR:  The swallow – ласточка - may fly south with the sun or the house martin

      or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not

      strangers to our land.

  GUARD #1:  Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

  ARTHUR:  Not at all, they could be carried.

  GUARD #1:  What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?

  ARTHUR:  It could grip it by the husk – shells- !

  GUARD #1:  It's not a question of where he grips it!  It's a simple

      question of weight ratios!  A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound

      coconut.

  ARTHUR:  Well, it doesn't matter.  Will you go and tell your master

      that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.

  GUARD #1:  Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow

      needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?

  ARTHUR:  Please!

  GUARD #1:  Am I right?

  ARTHUR:  I'm not interested!

  GUARD #2:  It could be carried by an African swallow!

  GUARD #1:  Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European

      swallow, that's my point.

  GUARD #2:  Oh, yeah, I agree with that...

  ARTHUR:  Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court

      at Camelot?!

  GUARD #1:  But then of course African swallows are not migratory.

  GUARD #2:  Oh, yeah...

  GUARD #1:  So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...

      [clop clop]

  GUARD #2:  Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?

  GUARD #1:  No, they'd have to have it on a line.

  GUARD #2:  Well, simple!  They'd just use a standard creeper!

  GUARD #1:  What, held under the dorsal – back - guiding feathers?

  GUARD #2:  Well, why not?

Be against regulations  - against rules

Scene 3

  ARTHUR:  Old woman!

  DENNIS:  Man!

  ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry.  What knight live in that castle over there?

  DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven.

  ARTHUR:  What?

  DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!

  ARTHUR:  Well, I can't just call you `Man'.

  DENNIS:  Well, you could say `Dennis'.

  ARTHUR:  Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'

  DENNIS:  Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?

  ARTHUR:  I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind

      you looked--

  DENNIS:  What I object to – oppose/disapprove - is you automatically treat me like an inferior – подчинённый -!

  ARTHUR:  Well, I AM king...

  DENNIS:  Oh king, eh, very nice.  An' how'd you get that, eh?  By

      exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma

      which perpetuates – leave for a long time - the economic an' social differences in our society!

      If there's ever going to be any progress--

  WOMAN:  Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here.  Oh -- how d'you do?

  ARTHUR:  How do you do, good lady.  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

      Who's castle is that?

  WOMAN:  King of the who?

  ARTHUR:  The Britons.

  WOMAN:  Who are the Britons?

  ARTHUR:  Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.

  WOMAN:  I didn't know we had a king.  I thought we were an autonomous

      collective.

  DENNIS:  You're fooling yourself.  We're living in a dictatorship.

      A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

  WOMAN:  Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.

  DENNIS:  That's what it's all about if only people would--

  ARTHUR:  Please, please good people.  I am in haste.  Who lives

      in that castle?

  WOMAN:  No one live there.

  ARTHUR:  Then who is your lord?

  WOMAN:  We don't have a lord.

  ARTHUR:  What?

  DENNIS:  I told you.  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.  We take

      it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

  ARTHUR:  Yes.

  DENNIS:  But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified

      at a special biweekly meeting.

  ARTHUR:  Yes, I see.

  DENNIS:  By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--

  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!

  DENNIS:  --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--

  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!  I order you to be quiet!

  WOMAN:  Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

  ARTHUR:  I am your king!

  WOMAN:  Well, I didn't vote for you.

  ARTHUR:  You don't vote for kings.

  WOMAN:  Well, 'ow did you become king then?

  ARTHUR:  The Lady of the Lake,

      [angels sing]

      her arm clad in the purest shimmering – сиять - samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,

      Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.

      [singing stops]

      That is why I am your king!

  DENNIS:  Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords

      is no basis for a system of government.  Supreme executive power

      derives – come from - from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!

  DENNIS:  Well you can't expect to wield – have - supreme executive power

      just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

  ARTHUR:  Shut up!

  DENNIS:  I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just

      because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd

      put me away!

  ARTHUR:  Shut up!  Will you shut up!

  DENNIS:  Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

  ARTHUR:  Shut up!

  DENNIS:  Oh!  Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

      HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!

  ARTHUR:  Bloody peasant!

  DENNIS:  Oh, what a give away.  Did you here that, did you here that,

      eh?  That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me,

      you saw it didn't you?

Give away – tell 

An invincible belief, attitude etc is extremely strong and cannot be changed

—invincibility - [uncountable]